Friends of mine and readers of this blog know well that I am no fan of Sean Penn. It has nothing to do with his "homo loving" (I bet I love homos more than he does), it has something to do with his "commie loving", but it mostly has to do with his smug, self-important, I'm-a-journalist-now-because-I-wrote-something-for-the-SF-Chronicle-once attitude.
So, even though I wanted Mickey Rourke to win on Sunday, this ain't no post-Oscar post with the intention of raining on Penn's parade. He won. Yay. And I'm sure if I landed in his house one day he'd grill me a nice steak and we'd talk about boobs and Brian DePalma and get on nicely for a while.
But, dude... WTF?!?:
Fair Game the drama about the outing of CIA agent Valerie Plame Wilson, has come together with Naomi Watts starring, Mrs. and Mrs. Smith helmer Doug Liman directing and William Pohlad's River Road financing. But the big question is whether Oscar-winning Milk star Sean Penn will close a deal to play Ambassador Joseph Wilson.
But let's pause on Penn, for a second, and let the above soak in...
Doug Liman is making a Valerie Plame movie??? In the tone of voice and words of Enid from Ghost World, I say, "How .... totally amazing.".
So... the dude that made Jumper and Go is making a movie about an interwoven web of connections that lead to a CIA leak? Does this mean there's gonna be a rave scene with Joe Wilson and Dick Armitage talking about yellow cake as they snort lines in a chillout tent? Is Rachel Bilson gonna play Judith Miller, and will there be a sex scene between her and that fat guy from TIME? Will Rob Corrdry reprise his Ari Fleisher role from W.? Will Hayden Christianson play Patrick Fitzgerald "jumping" between D.C. and north Africa looking for clues and evidence?
Good grief. What is wrong with Hollywood?!?!
Look, I'll go see any movie, so I'm not a good barometer for public taste, but who outside of the political blogger arena really wants to see a movie about Valerie Plame? Actually, as I write this and think through this at the same time I'm starting to make sense of it. This is gonna be Doug Liman's Oscar play. He's making his Ron Howard move. No more teeny-bopper movies for Mr. Liman! No sir. He wants some respect!
Honestly, I think Liman should stick with a "teen theme" for Fair Game. Everyone in Washington behaves like high schoolers anyways (and that's probably being too generous). It could work on two-levels, y'know? Critics will use words like "metaphor", "allegory", and "symbolism" in their reviews, and then Charlie Rose will have Liman on for a self-important interview where he sports a hat and a beard and fiddles with a coffee cup and says nothing interesting. (Did you see when the cast of Doubt was on? Their roundtable discussion turned into an instant sequel called Tedious.)
Man, I should be a producer.