Sunday, January 25, 2009

HONG KONG'S DING DONG EXPERIMENT


According to Worstpreviews.com, 3D porn is just around the corner:

---
Hong Kong filmmakers are preparing to release the world's first pornographic movie in 3-D. Shooting on the Chinese-language film "3D Sex And Zen," budgeted at $4 million, is scheduled for April with producers promising some of the most realistic close-up sex scenes ever.

"Just imagine that you'll be watching it as if you were sitting beside the bed," said Stephen Shiu. "There will be many close-ups. It will look as if the actresses are only a few centimeters from the audience."
---

As if trying to masturbate with a laptop wasn't awkward enough already, soon perverts the world over will be making phantom love to a woman/man that isn't there. Plus, being pant-less with a pair of 3D glasses on isn't a very attractive look no matter who you are.

I'm already skeptical about the commercial appeal of this...

I mean, most of us are already humbled by the size of your average porn star wiener. Do we really need to be taunted & teased by those things in 3D??? That's kinda cruel. It's humiliating in the first place to you find yourself resorting to such third party stimulation, so is it really gonna make you feel better to have Rocco Siffredi's ching-chong laughing in your face?

Yeah, yeah... I already know what some of you sickos are thinking: "But wow-oh-wow, it's gonna be great to have Gianna Michaels boobies swinging two inches in front of my face!". OK, but what happens when one of the Bang Bros blasts one over her head and onto the camera lens??? (True, to some of us that could be a plus.)

Just some things to think about, you know? Now, if some genius would just invent a pair of 3D glasses that could make your own wiener look impressive when you glance down. That would be a huge seller. Haha... get it? "Huge" seller? Get it??

21 comments:

Jason Bellamy said...

Uh, actually I think the real danger here is sitting in a theater and saying, "Wow, that johnson in my face looks real." And then finding out that it is.

Rick Olson said...

That would be a huge seller.

A real hard sell.

PIPER said...

Here's the problem.

Porn can be spontaneous. Let's say you get busted watching porn. You can say "I was flipping the channels and look what's on?" Or I was surfing the web for khaki pants and look what I found?

The 3-D glasses makes it pre-meditated. You knew what you were doing from the get-go.

Fox said...

Jason-

I thought about that too. But then I wondered... are there still XXX theaters that show movies on the big screen (that don't double as a bath house/sex parlor)? Because then I figured, well if there are, you should probably have the "buyer beware" understanding that something like you mentioned could defintely happen.

Rick-

Nice penis pun!

Piper-

That's an excellent point, but...

"I was flipping the channels and look what's on?"

Wow, you must have a really sophisticated cable set-up. Either that, or your wife is naive.

Arboghost! said...

I've heard Porn Star Weiner is Danny Boyle's best yet.

Arboghost! said...

You knew what you were doing from the get-go.

You mean, "from the wet-go."

Jason Bellamy said...

Piper said: "I was flipping the channels and look what's on?"

Then Fox said: Wow, you must have a really sophisticated cable set-up. Either that, or your wife is naive.


Actually, what I love about the image is the "and look what's on" part. Like it's catching a Humphrey Bogart marathon on AMC. "Hey! It's that Jenna Jameson classic we love! And it's coming up on the good part."

(Awful pun intended, of course.)

Fletch said...

See, now this is just Fox being Fox.

:D

Awesome post, Foxy. You're one of the most diverse bloggers I know. In-depth film reviews, musings on gay Terminator action figures, Madame Tussaud's latest works, and now 3-D porn. I raise my (3-D) glass(es) to you.

Fox said...

Arbo-

I wish Danny Boyle would make a porn film. I would probably take an interest in his work then.

Also, it's only a matter of time before somebody makes a Slumdog Millionaire-parody porn movie.
The smut merchants have been waiting for the right time to penetrate the Indian market, and this is their chance!!!

(This is every commenters invitation to now try and "porn-up" the title Slumdog Millionaire).

Jason-

That's great. Yes. If Spice or Playboy TV every REALLY penetrate the mainstream like a Bravo or TMC, then it should be a pretty interesting channel to watch.

They can have some Robert Osborne-type guy introducing the classics. Like Taboo. Taboo was the first porn I ever saw. I was in 8th grade and I watched it with my baseball team. It scarred me for a specific reason (those of you who've seen it know why) and perhaps is the reason why I'm attracted to older women.


Fletch-

Thanks. I gotsta keep it fresh. I'm trying to set-up an interview with Nina Hartley as we speak.

However, notice that I haven't had too many female comments today... though, I rarely get female comments :0( What can I blog about to penetrate that segment??

bill r. said...

In-depth

pants

gay

action

big

raise

part

wife


WOOOOOOOOO!!!

Fletch said...

Well, there's Slumdong Millionaire, obviously. What else? Hmmm....

Slutdog Millionaire
Cumdog Millionaire
Threesum-dog Millionaire
Slumdoggy-style Millionaire

Fox said...

Bill-

That is the most kick-ass free associative poem on porn that I've ever read.

Fox said...

Fletch-

I was thinking the same thing on leaving the "Millionaire" part alone. It's already fitting.

I like Hungdog Millionaire. It's stupid, like porn-spoof titles, but leaves the original title pretty much intact. I like your ambition with Threesum-dog Millionaire, but it may leave people confused.

bmsatter said...

Yes!

Fox said...

BMS-

I'm guessing that "yes!" is probably about the 3D thing, but knowing you it could also be about Ms. Michaels (btw, this probably goes without saying, but she's NSFW if anyone is thinking about Googling her).

RC said...

yikes...that's really too bad.

PIPER said...

Fox,

You would be surprised how often the "I was flipping through channels and look what I found" works. But I will take suggestions for better excuses.

And I don't know what kind of cable you guys are watching, but I have a free channel called PMC (that's Porn Movie Classics) that shows Porn 24/7.

Anonymous said...

is porn the only winner during credit crunch?


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