Sunday, October 12, 2008
MY BRIEF, UNFAIR REVIEW OF THE PROBABLY REALLY BAD QUARANTINE
The above title is what it is because despite the loud movie, my screaming friend, and the nacho twins behind me asking each other "is that...?", "why is...?", and "what did...?" questions, I passed out in a reclining stadium seat like it was my rocking chair from grandma's porch.
Still... I feel confident saying this movie is a waste. (And poor Jay Hernandez. I think I could like the guy if he would quit picking such terrible films.) While I was awake, I don't remember anything fun happening on screen, so if I do the math, odds are that Quarantine never amounted to Dawn of the Dead 1979-levels of excitement while I was asleep either.
I'm sure others have beat me to this, but if you've played Resident Evil, then you've seen Quarantine. (Oddly, the Resident Evil movie is nothing like either!). Rade Serbedzija is in it, which is cool until it's depressing, and the shaky-cam footage just reaffirms my desire to see that style of anti-cinematography over and done with.
Which could also be said of the entire "found footage" sub-genre. Blair Witch Project, Cloverfield, Poughkeepsie Tapes etc. (the exception here is Diary of the Dead, which I thought was great). They're ugly to look at and the gimmick never leads us to anything profound. Thankfully, Quarantine spares us the ominous beginning where we're told that this footage was found by an archaeologist or crackhead or somebody, and has never been seen before... unless that moment happened while I was snoring.