Sunday, October 12, 2008

MY BRIEF, UNFAIR REVIEW OF THE PROBABLY REALLY BAD QUARANTINE

I found this stupid movie still. This is the first time it's ever been released to the public.

The above title is what it is because despite the loud movie, my screaming friend, and the nacho twins behind me asking each other "is that...?", "why is...?", and "what did...?" questions, I passed out in a reclining stadium seat like it was my rocking chair from grandma's porch.

Still... I feel confident saying this movie is a waste. (And poor Jay Hernandez. I think I could like the guy if he would quit picking such terrible films.) While I was awake, I don't remember anything fun happening on screen, so if I do the math, odds are that Quarantine never amounted to Dawn of the Dead 1979-levels of excitement while I was asleep either.

I'm sure others have beat me to this, but if you've played Resident Evil, then you've seen Quarantine. (Oddly, the Resident Evil movie is nothing like either!). Rade Serbedzija is in it, which is cool until it's depressing, and the shaky-cam footage just reaffirms my desire to see that style of anti-cinematography over and done with.

Which could also be said of the entire "found footage" sub-genre. Blair Witch Project, Cloverfield, Poughkeepsie Tapes etc. (the exception here is Diary of the Dead, which I thought was great). They're ugly to look at and the gimmick never leads us to anything profound. Thankfully, Quarantine spares us the ominous beginning where we're told that this footage was found by an archaeologist or crackhead or somebody, and has never been seen before... unless that moment happened while I was snoring.

13 comments:

debbie said...

Speaking of the "found footage" sub-genre...have you seen "Interview with the Assassin?" The documentary/shaky-cam style is motivated beyond just style. I loved this movie. A clever, low budget film.

Here's the trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eS9Ad5Q2Ovc

Fox said...

No, but I am going to now. I was trying to recall more of that type of film last night but the titles were escaping me. Thanks for the tip!

You know, Debbie, for someone who supposedly "hates movies", you sure know quite a bit! :)

Evan Derrick said...

The Spanish original, [REC], was quite good. Not groundbreaking or anything, but I enjoyed myself and there were some nice little scares. Then again we know how Americans remaking international horror flicks usually goes.

In other news, I'm shocked you liked Diary of the Dead. Luke and I saw it together, and while he really dug it, I hated the thing with every fiber of my being. I was actually angry I had spent $8 on it afterwards. Oh well.

Megan said...

Hope you had a nice nap.

Soiled Sinema said...

Fuck Diary of the Dead.

That moment happened in the trailers. Sorry Fox. In the green band, you see a "CDC" team pick up the camera in the hallway (?) and also, it reaffirms my finding on the poster where it boldly exclaims that everyone you never cared about died a violent death.

Also, Cloverfield is probably the greatest monster film ever created. It's a shame that no-talent douchebag Matt Reeves got his slimy hands on the film, myspacing it up with scenester talk.

Fox said...

Evan-

I'm anxious to see [REC]. From the shell of the movie that Quarantine was, I could tell it would make a much more interesting premise in the hands of someone more interesting.

Evan & Soiled -

Man. You guys are the third and fourth person in the last week to tell me they hated Diary of the Dead. I'll add that to some Netflix buddies that have each given 1 star, and that leads me to believe that something is either wrong with me, or y'all! I shudder to think what could happen if it makes my year-end top ten!

(more) Soiled -

What's up with them showing the final shot in Quarantine in the trailer? I mean, me being someone that doesn't respect the anti-SPOILER community shouldn't complain, but... eh? Kinda odd I thought.

And I agree that the ferocity of the monster in Cloverfield is pretty awesome, but - as you said - Reeves sucks as a director so it was a pretty all around nauseating experience on my part. Supposedly he's remaking Let The Right One In. Maybe he will have a team of 7th graders running around with hand-held cams filming the whole thing.

Megan-

It did, actually. I like to avoid it b/c if I snore then I feel really awful for disturbing people, but the film was pretty loud, so...

I'M SENDING EVERYONE COPIES OF DIARY OF THE DEAD FOR CHRISTMAS!

Soiled Sinema said...

Diary of the Dead equals up to scruffy men in black rimmed glasses living the hipster dream getting devoured by the same Romero zombies we've seen time and time again.

See, with Cloverfield, we had this "HOLY CHRISTFUCK IS THAT A MONSTER THIS IS FUCKING NEW" experience.

Whereas the characters in Diary of the Dead acted as if "Holy sweet fuck! Are those Zombies? Are those Black militants? Is this race exploitation and forced social commentary? Weird. Almost like a Romero film..."

Fox said...

You left out the "Quaker commentary" sequence.

I thought Diary was a welcome return to Romero's social-horror formula after the braindead (pun intended) Land of the Dead. That one was just a bit too obvious and, to me, redundant.

I don't disagree that Diary is sloppy at times, preachy too - the only time I don't feel this with a Romero film is with Dawn - but Romero isn't an intellectual, so his commentary comes off like an everyman. I think benefits Diary.

Pointing out the fetishization of our YouTube and MySpace culture is pretty easy, but coming from Romero is felt fresh b/c it was the revelation of a 67 year old man. That's one of the many reasons Cloverfield doesn't work for me. The makers are too close to the technology they are referencing.

EVIL CLOWN said...

Yeah,

I have seen every part of this except the last 10 or 15 minutes of it cuz I had to get home.

My problem with the first person movie is that when you do this, you can't take liberties in reality - which is what this movie did. Too many frickin times the woman and camera man are going into rooms they shouldn't just so we could advance the tension. And when the little girl got ramped in speed when she bit her mom, I was done.

I do want to see REC though to see how it should have been done. But actually my guess is that this is a frame by frame remake. Cuz, you know, Hollywood ROCKS!

Fletch said...

I'm totally doing an FF-UN on Rade Serbedzija. That guy's awesome in all 3 things that I've seen him in, and Val Kilmer does an awesome job of looking like him...

Fox said...

Fletch-

Yeah, Serbedzija just looks awesome. He might be the token "Eastern European" when you need one at a moments notice, but he can act too. He's one of those guys where I will go see a movie simply b/c I wanna look at him. Very much like the career of Elisha Cuthbert (sigh... poor girl.)

Wiley said...

[REC] is worth watching. That doesn't mean a remake was needful though, especially one homogenized by an American lens.

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