Friday, October 31, 2008


The Russian Communist Party is pissed off that Ukranian-born actress Olga Kurylenko is the latest Bond girl in Quantum of Solace.

"In the name of all communists we appeal to you, prodigal daughter of poor Ukraine and deserter of Slavic world." (Yahoo)

If there's one thing Commies have never understood, it's the art of romance and seduction. (Why do you think Nabokov didn't fit in???) Granted, Eastern Europeans weren't exactly born with the type of diction that lends itself to window serenades and booty calls, but dudes need to learn a little finesse. That type of tone only works when you need your old lady to gnash some yeast.

"[The Soviet Union] gave you free education, free medical care but nobody knew you would commit an act of intellectual and moral betrayal that you would become a movie kept girl of Bond, who in his movies kills hundreds of Soviet people and citizens of other socialist countries: Cubans, Vietnamese, North Koreans, Chinese and Nicaraguans.

Sergei Malenkovich, head of the party's regional organization, told The Associated Press that latest Bond movie is 'an insult for Russians'. "

They do know about Red Dawn and Red Heat, right??

"In this movie they wanted to show that a Ukrainian girl sleeps with an American. It's a part of information and psychological war."

Actually, sir, the psychological war started when your former Prime Minister, now President, did the following in front of the world:

That will never not creep me out! Even if it was just a zerbert (I'm not convinced it was...) it's still icky-poo yucky! But the best thing about it is the kid on the left scratching his head like "Um,... what in the fu*king hell is he doing?!?".


Megan said...

Have you seen Putin's karate video? Or maybe it's judo, I'm not up on all the different disciplines...

Soiled Sinema said...

I'd love nothing more to express my undying love for Miss Olga, but I'd rather not get your blog flagged for explicit content.

Fox said...


Putin freaks me out. He does have a martial arts video, but I too am not sure what discipline it is. He's also got some sweet bare chested photos of himself hunting that are funny in their I'm-posing-even-though-I'm-supposed-to pretend-that-I-don't-know-you-are-there-looking -at-me photos. The pictures will make for nice 300 foot nationalist building-hanging banners one day.


She is quite a beauty, but I think I might prefer the other Quantum Bond girl - Gemma Arterton - to her .

Caitlin said...

So, wait - the Communists have a problem with Kurylenko's role in Quantum of Solace? But not with Hitman? Sure, Hitman was a crappy movie, but if they're going to be in arms over any movie role she had, it would reasonably be that one.

Also, didn't anyone give the Russian Communists the memo that James Bond is English, not American?!

Fox said...

Ahh... but Caitlin, you are applying logic to an emotionally charged argument on the commie's behalf! :)

And you are so right about Hitman. Thing is, I doubt Hitman even made a blip on their radar seeing as it barely made one on ours.

Reel Whore said...

Ouch, laying the smack down on Hitman.

Ignore the infidels Olga and keep doing what you do best; looking so awesomely fine in however many movies will have you.

Anders said...

If Putin did that to Olga, THEN i'd understand. But "WTF" indeed.

By the way, I'm enjoying your blog!!! A fun read.

Fox said...

Thanks Anders! Please come back :)

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