Monday, October 13, 2008

EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS OF JUDE LAW IN THE REMAKE OF THE ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES BY BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH...

Downey Jr. is playing Robert Ford as REALLY gay this time instead of "undertones of gay" like Casey Affleck did in the 2007 original.

Since Guy Ritchie is directing, expect cameos from Goldie, Tricky, and that girl from The Sneaker Pimps. Also, there will be a scene where someone accidentally gets shot and it's real crazy and intense and "funny". There will also be dogs on collars, loud pop music, and loads of British people pretending to be intimidating.

BONUS: For putting up with this post, so far, here is some toilet paper for you...

Like strategically eying the icing on a cake in order to choose which slice to eat, there are a variety of areas here to pick from for your first wipe.

It's understandable that you'd want to immediately go for BeniCheo's head, but I think the most productive move would be to go for the CHE title, becaue you could then take out the names "Che" and "Steven Soderbergh" at the same time!

Lastly, word has it that stupid skank and casting-couch heroine, Rose McGowan, will be playing Linda Lovelace in the upcoming dead pornstar's biopic. Obviously, McGowan won't be doing any research for the role.

12 comments:

Soiled Sinema said...

Holy hell. You've been active for about 3 years? This November will be our solid first year.

Also, McGowan's a bug-eyed whore and Del Toro still looks good.

Fox said...

I've only been active - "blogging" you mean, right? - for two years, this October. In fact, my first post was right after the effing St. Louis Cardinals won the 2006 World Series, so it's easy to remember.

I think being a "revolutionary" for a year got Del Toro into better shape. He was getting kind of pudgy there for awhile.

LegionOfPuppets said...

Wolfman cometh.

Bob Turnbull said...

Ouch. Who pissed in your Corn Flakes this morning Fox? B-)

I must admit, I'm not keen on the poster for Che...Though I've become more curious about the two films (due to some specific reviews I read after the Toronto Fest), the artwork seems to go against the stated nature of the film - an impartial, non-emotional, distanced view of the man.

As for McGowan, I don't know much about her except that she's one of those actresses that I occasionally find kinda sexy and then other times scares the hell out of me.

Fox said...

LOP-

A wolfman/Che dual biopic would suit me just fine.

Bob-

It was actually salt in my coffee, and it was last night... but you're accurate in sensing my irritable mood while I was posting.

I confess. Sometimes I find McGowan sexy - like when she's bouncing around Kurt Russell's passenger seat Death Proof - but then I feel ashamed and take it out on Jude Law and Guy Ritchie... are seeing how this cycle works now??

Mandy said...

I'm really not happy about the Sherlock Holmes business. I loved those books, and I'm pretty sure they're going to ruin them.

Fox said...

Remember Young Sherlock Holmes? I thought that movie was awesome as a kid.

Mandy, I will probably offend you when I say I get the Hardy Boys and Sherlock Holmes mixed up a lot.

Mandy said...

That's more funny than offensive. I was a huge Hardy Boys fan when I was little, and then I became a huge Holmes fan in college. I even drug someone (my sister or Diana?) to the Sherlock Holmes museum in London. Oh yes, a museum for a fictional character. Clearly, I have a long history of obsession.

Rick Olson said...

"stupid skank and casting-couch heroine"

So ... you're not a fan of the lovely rose?

JOSEPH CAMPANELLA said...

WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ANOTHER JESSE JAMES STORY A YEAR AFTER THAT BRILLIANT FILM!?

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