Thursday, September 25, 2008

BACK ALLEY JUSTICE

I'm sure everybody from my generation on has experienced a "Fright Night" at an amusement park. You know: subpar haunted houses, cobwebs on the rails of roller coaster queues, janitors & carnies reluctantly wearing Spiderman get-ups at the behest of their boss.

One of the highlights was seeing park employees dressed up in Freddy or Dracula or Leatherface or Jason costumes randomly roaming the park, occasionally jumping out of a bush to try and scare us.

This trend will continue at Universal Studios this Halloween where there will be...

---
...a "murderers' row" of Universal notorious celluloid creatures that includes The Wolf Man, The Mummy, Frankenstein's Monster, Chucky and "Psycho's" Mother Bates. (worstpreviews)
---

Oh yeah, and um... also the uh... those three idiots from The Strangers...

---
The relentless masked killers from the horror-thriller hit, "The Strangers," (Pin-Up Girl, Doll Face, and The Man In The Mask) will make their theme park debut with vivid appearances in "House of Horrors: Meet the Strangers," one of many terror-filled mazes featured in Universal Studios Hollywood's "Halloween Horror Nights" event, beginning on Friday, October 3rd.

There will be no escaping "The Strangers" at this year's Halloween Horror Nights event. The deadly masked creatures will also be found stealthily roaming the dark byways of the park in their own "scare zones."
---

My treat this Halloween will be to fly to Hollywood with the purpose of confronting this trio of suck for their shit*y movie. I know they don't talk much so it should be a pretty one-sided argument, but if they try to cut me, ohhhhh boy... it's on!

I don't even care if 2/3 of The Strangers are women, because if a woman brings a knife to a fist fight, then a woman best be prepared to get hit.

That's right people. Nobody - not your parents, not your politicians, not your studio heads - is gonna do a lick about the poor quality of modern horror, so it's time to take action into our own hands.... starting with me. And I'm bringing Frankenstein's Monster along!

7 comments:

Mandy said...

I've never been to a fright night at an amusement park, but I did go to a "spook trail" in the backwoods of Arkansas once, where you sit on trailers pulled by 4-wheelers through the pitch black woods. Some of the people employed to scare us were dressed in Scream masks, and they tried to get on the trailer with us. Now, that movie scared the crap out of me (particular the opening part, of course). So I kept screaming at these kids to get away from us, using the f-word between pretty much every other word. As we left them behind, I realized they were about 12 years old. Or less. Oops.

Mandy said...

I meant "particularly."

Fox said...

Hay rides/trailer rides used to scare me much more than "Fright Nights". Heck, just being in the woods behind my friends house, at night, scared me more than "Fright Night".

On hay rides there was always that fear that some psycho from out-of-nowhere could just walk into the open rural area and start killing. When I was at Six Flags it was a controlled environment so I felt safe and unscared.

elgringo said...

You know, I liked The Strangers. A lot, actually. It was like a rad Choose Your Own Adventure book...only the characters kept choosing to turn to the wrong page. You never go with "If you want to go back in the house...Turn to Page 3"

Fox said...

Come on Gringo! You're killing me revolutionary buzz, man!

Rick Olson said...

What is "The Strangers"?

Fox said...

Good man, Rick, good man. Keep it that way!