Tuesday, May 20, 2008

THE THOSE THAT CAN'T AT CANNES

The Cannes marketing conference is often times referred to as a sort of bargain basement, a Texas league of prospect movies lacking a few "heres-and-theres".

But I don't buy into that...

Cuz last year it afforded me access to a special screening of EXTE : Hair Extensions, the J-Horror blowout to end all the J-Horror cliches you've grown weary of. Are you tired of the dangling tangles of black hair in your Asian horror cinema? Well, let's just say that EXTE reinvents the entire concept. (Plus, the film stars uber-Japanese cutie Chiaki Kuriyama!)

So I got a little giddy today when JoBlo.com posted some pictures of posters from this year's marketing conference. Here are some of the "highlights" (none of them look like EXTE material, but then again, these are 4 out of 4000!):

Poor Cuba. I actually like the guy, but he just can't find his footing. That poster is terrible!

Here's a teaser for the next Antoine Fuqua movie that is always the same and always as bad as the one that came before it. And Wesley Snipes is on the poster. Yikes. That's kinda weird... huh? Maybe the story revolves around renegade tax evaders.



Irwin Winler's son, Charles, directs this one. He's also helmed episodes of The Chris Issak Show, Baywatch, and The Outer Limits. I don't know. The weirdest thing about the poster is Val Kilmer looking to his left while pointing a gun straight on. Maybe his head was cropped on.

This is the most confusing poster of the bunch. Is it a Hoosiers/Coach Carter feel-good sports movie, or is it a Lost Angels/Blown Away teen-life-is-risky-and-risque type of movie... OR BOTH!?!?

5 comments:

ryan said...

Whoa, I was just thinking about "Lost Angels" this morning and what a terrible movie it is, but how much I used to like it when I was in high school.

Fox said...

I remember my sister and I rented it b/c one of the Beastie Boys was in it.

And then when I saw the box cover I was all ... "whoa, that is cool how they have the T graffiti'd OUT and the E graffiti'd IN so it also says Los Angeles!" ... silly teens.

WaywardJam said...

The Val Kilmer Streets of Blood hella lame, esp w/ his sideways glance.

Having 50 cent's ugly mug next to him takes it down one more notch. It hit rock bottom for me when I saw that Sharon Stone takes third billing.

Yikes!

Anonymous said...

Fox,

This is a hilarious post.

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