Monday, November 19, 2007

WHEN YOUR SAUSAGE BITES BACK!

Add human teeth to the list of "mystery ingredients" that goes into the making of a sausage ... well, in one case, at least:
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A boy bit into a Tesco sausage - and found a tooth inside. David Walker, 10, was eating dinner with his family when he felt something hard as he chewed. He spat it out and realised it was a tooth.

[...]

His father Andrew, a writer, said: "It was a pretty gross moment. David ran upstairs and cleaned his teeth because he was so upset. Nobody else finished their meal." Mr Walker, 41, took it to environmental health officials who confirmed that it was a milk tooth. "If it was a pen or a 50p piece I could perhaps understand that it fell out of a worker's pocket but a tooth is different," he added.
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I can just imagine some old dude on the sausage line, squishing that ground "meat" into the sausage skin, and one of his 60 year old chompers falls out and into the meat. UGRHAHAH!!!

[Although.... if that tooth happened to fall out of Kate Middleton's mouth, and I had happened upon it while eating a ballpark frank, I'd treat it as a treasure, suck the marrow out, and hang it on a string around my neck like a promise bracelet!!!]

But, you see ... I know what's going on here ... I've been connecting the dots ...

I think the entire tooth/sausage thing was a plant by Heather Mills to get us away from our meat consumption:

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Heather Mills: "The startling truth is that animals farmed for meat and dairy are now one of the greatest threats to the planet. The United Nations last year issued a shocking report on the environmental damage being done by livestock. I became a vegetarian for health reasons. Then I found out about the awful animal abuse in factory farms and dairy herds and became a vegan.
The easiest and most effective way of cutting our contribution is to change our diet and go vegan. It is that simple."
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I bet Ms. Mills has been dropping teeth in our meat. It's like a PETA-style terrorist/guerrilla warfare tactic. (SIDE NOTE: I wonder if Heather Mills is a vegan because she lost one of her legs. No, for real! Like, she can identify with the feeling of being chopped up and discarded. Laugh... but I think there is something to be explored there...).

Anyways... sorry Heather Mills, but until the environment starts tasting as good as bacon or fajitas, I'm not gonna stop eating meat.

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